According to yogic teachings we should ‘be happy for those who are happy, sad for those who are sad and indifferent to the wicked’.  This teaching comes from a text written over 2000 years ago by the great saint and sage, Patanjali.

At first thought this may seem like a fairly easy teaching to absorb and even a reasonably accessible ethical code by which to live.  But upon closer examination we might begin to realise the challenges that lie ahead …
For example think back to the last time you were in a situation of conflict, perhaps in your family life or at work, and consider for a moment just how these situations seem to escalate – to snowball even – even if that is not your intention.  Difficult situations have a tendency to gather speed and momentum if we don’t learn how to identify what’s going on and take radical steps to halt the process.  It works a bit like the idea of a game I remember playing as a child at school ‘Chinese Whispers’ – one person starts by whispering a riddle in the next person’s ear, who in turn whispers to the next and so on, by the time the end of the line is reached and the final recipient shouts out what he or she has heard, the original message is completely distorted.  Thus a small or fairly unimportant disagreement can become something much distorted, especially after several people have added their opinions and grievances to the mixing bowl.  Sometimes this pattern starts as simple (seemingly harmless) gossip.  And gossip can be exciting (there is a million dollar media industry which fuels out desire to hear about what celebrities are up to for a start) – it’s easy to get involved.  We may even justify our involvement with a sense of righteousness or indignation.  But ultimately indulging in gossip is harmful and against the yogic ideal of purity in thoughts, speech and actions’.  Next time you find yourself mindlessly gossiping ask yourself if the words you are using might cause harm to another and see if you can catch yourself and change this behaviour.  
Another reason we gossip and get involved in petty disputes is that it is exciting.  When we are caught in the middle of some drama it makes us feel like we are alive.  But gradually as we fan the flames of disagreement, through unkind and dramatic speech, what may start out as a small flicker of irritation soon get out of control and before we know it the fire is raging beyond our ability to limit the damage.  Yogi’s know there is another way to feel alive; to remember why we are here and to embrace all of life at it’s most vital – spiritual endeavours lead to great peace and a feeling of life and vibrancy genuinely rooted in reality.

We may also have the experience that we are not the one’s ‘starting’ a disagreement but merely offering support to someone who is experiencing difficulty, ‘Telling someone “You have every right to be angry and full of thoughts of revenge, for you were treated badly by another’s stupidity and cruelty” could in the long run be most harmful, but that is often precisely what the victim wants to hear.’‘Land of No Buddha’ Richard Hayes
The best course of action in these difficult situations is to not be quick to form opinions.  All to often it is our strong opinions which cause the greatest difficulties,‘Let us live most happily, free from hatred in the midst of the hateful.  Let us live most happily free from restlessness in the midst of restlessness.  It is easy to see the faults of others – hard to see one’s own.  Purity and impurity are individual matters; no one purifies another.’
The Buddha (Pali Cannon)The Buddha is reminding us here about personal accountability and responsibility.  It is up to each of us not to just ‘go with the herd’ but to question our own thinking, our own speech and our own actions. Ultimately if we can leave a difficult situation without feelings of hatred or animosity we create a better future for ourselves and all others.  In all disagreement including divorce, difficult work situations, family arguments, we should strive to leave a situation in peace.  That may include make a decision not to interact with a certain person any further – and this may be a sane and wise choice – but if we can learn to leave to situation in peace having let go we do a great service to not only ourselves but to all of humanity.

 
We may think that are actions are small and insignificant, but if we are to truly change this world we live in each of us must take action.  Each of us must be personally responsible for ourselves.  I am reminded of a story I read recently about a man wandering down the beach who came across many starfish who had been washed up on the shore.  The starfish were drying out in the sun and dying.  The man started to throw then back in the water one by one but there were literally thousands of them and his efforts made little impact on the overall number.  Eventually a woman joined him on the beach.  Seeing what the man had undertaken the woman remarked that his efforts were a waste of time – there were so many dying fish his efforts could not make a difference.  The man looked at her as he threw yet another fish back into the water and said ‘it makes a difference to this one!’.Finally as well as doing our best to diffuse difficult situations and minimise conflict, the teachings tell us to also be happy for those who are happy!  Not jealous, or slightly disgruntled but genuinely happy in an unconditional way.

I remember a lecture given a few years ago by my teacher Sharon Gannon at Jivamukti yoga.  She was talking about this exact subject, and saying the even if we don’t agree with the source of someone else’s happiness we should try to develop an attitude of being happy that they are happy.  This is a tough call.  She was describing the example of parents who don’t like the new boyfriend of their teenage daughter, she was suggesting these particular parents would reduce their own suffering if they could ‘let go’ and be happy for their daughter who seemed very much in love even if they didn’t favour her choice.  As Sharon was speaking I was contemplating her words and I got to thinking.  Sharon is a staunch vegan and very pro-animal rights.  I was imagining her sitting at a dinner table with a friend of hers who was about to tuck into a juicy steak (would Sharon even be friends with a person who eats steak I started to wonder??!!) could Sharon be happy for this person’s enjoyment of the steak even though it was such a violation of her personal ethics? My attention then returned to Sharon’s lecture and as if she had been reading my mind she went on to say, ‘you have to imagine yourself truly being happy for another’s happiness even if their actions are against your better judgement – like for me being happy for someone about to eat a big juicy steak.  Not offering my opinion, or guilt tripping them into not eating it – but just accepting there happiness and not crushing that.’  Now there is a spiritual challenge if ever I heard one!

*Published courtsey of SamadhiYoga.com.au (Thanks Jessica:)

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